Why wastest thou thy longing on a sigh
For minutes slipping to elusive past?
Why longest thou to hold a vapor fast?
Or lookest thou with low and dreamy eye
To swift-winged moments dashing by
Thus squandering present joy for shadows cast
No stagnant moment can there ever be
Nor was so small an hour that we should waste
Such treasure on closed lips devoid of taste
Or with eyes turned to past’s eternity
Be blinded to a stream of opportunity
Rushing to an ethereal sea in haste
Janet
To Mike…first crack at The Dare...
Am I vaguely close?
I’m sitting here laughing—at myself. Me thinks I’ll not toss out dares so quickly in the future.
ReplyDeleteLet me begin by saying what I love about this poem.
First, I love the archaic language form. This is the language of the sonnets I first read, and the way I prefer to write—except you do it much better than I do. My mentor says that is not the way modern poets write, but that doesn’t change how I feel about it.
The theme of one holding/dreaming of a past love when real love is standing by, being wasted. Marvelous.
Iambic pentameter: Perfect.
Generally, sonnets have fourteen lines. Your rhyming scheme is one I’m unfamilure with, but there are many I’m unfamilure with it means nothing. The most common are the English (Shakespearian) with a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g; and the Italian with a-b-b-a-a-b-b-a, c-d-e-c-d-e.
If this was my first attempt at writing a sonnet, I would spend my life writing sonnets and never look at another form. Janet, I’m not a poet critic, but I can tell you, this is special.
Mike,
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say but 'oh my' and thank-you:)
I also love the archaic language form. that is why my favorite version of the bible is King James.
I will study some more rhyming schemes. I REALLY enjoyed the dare.
Have a great week-end.
I am looking forward to doing some reading...tomorrow:)
I have studied and taught poetry writing and critiqued many poems, so when I add to Mike's comment that this is indeed special, you have a writer, Mike, who writes very well in classic forms, and me, who has a background in critiquing and am also a writer telling you that you need to keep stretching yourself. And, if you love to write, you will be curious enough to do that, even if you always return to the style that is your homebase. That style will itself grow stronger, as you see how other styles work.
ReplyDeleteAnd Mike is right about the sonnet form. The sonnet was considered by the classical poets as the queen of all forms, as it is so difficult to write a good one. Even if your sonnet is not quite by the rules, it is lovely and I envy you. Only your first. I can't wait.
I am so glad to have found you through Mike.
margo
Margo,
ReplyDeleteAll I can say, is I appreciate your interest and advice so much and will take every word to heart...I do not 'know' you until I read some of your writing, but I will as soon as Duty gives me a tiny break:) The family is home and life is noisy right now.
I too, am so glad for all your encouragement...and Mike's and Viv's. I sit here scratching my head. This week I've been praying and asking God to give me direction or let me know if I should just quit...really, really, truly...and now this:)
Janet... I don't know much about rhyming schemes and the rules behind your art, but I do know I love your work. It just resonates with me. I told you a while ago I never had any interest in poetry until finding yours (actually you found me!)... but now I look forward to reading it every day because of you! So thank you for everything!!
ReplyDeleteMegan,
ReplyDeleteI thank-you from the bottom of my heart for your words. It goes both ways. There is never a single post from you that does not inspire me somehow. I appreciate your encouragement...and am thrilled that I could open the door to the wonderful world of poetry...actually, I told myself the other day...you are an artist and a poet...yes, poet. You just didn't know it! Your pictures and life are viewed through the eyes of a poet. My poetry is old-fashioned. The great thing about poetry is that there are no rules, really. Close your eyes and write from your heart!
Blessings my friend, and have a great day! Please pray that I don't freak out and 'hide' because people are actually beginning to read my blog...(by 'hide', I mean hold back from what really wants to be written':) Some of it is pretty, some not so much...
Janet, thank you... I will now think of myself as a poet... you're right ~ poetry is a form of art, after all... My favorite posts are those from the heart!
ReplyDeleteI know there's a fear that 'you're not as good as you think you are'... I've experienced that myself. Growing up I got a lot of praise from my artwork... and then I got to high school, and my art teacher actually critiqued what I created. It hurt my pride when she told me to redo something or when she said, "No, that's not finished yet." when I thought it was. It made me mad at the time, but I still hear her voice and give everything a second glance before I say it's finished. My art is on a different level because of her. I know you'll just grow from recognition of your talents, and from the feedback. You've got such a gift. I'm so happy to see others catching on!
Megan, Thank-you. I suppose sometimes when someone critiques 'our heart' its a little someone critiquing our babies, right:) But it is the very best growing tool there is...when it is kind and genuine. It is a joy to use our gifts...and to God be the glory!
ReplyDeleteTake Care, my friend